zen motherhood

I posted some time back about how does one teach compassion. I wound up commenting how fortunate I was that my daughter has compassion already built in it seems. With the recent events of the world, the topic has come up once again. I watch the news and pictures of these young people now so angry with the world. At one time, naive to the world and the flaws it clearly has and just enjoying life. I also have now two teenagers in the house. And although they have spent the past year and a half going through changes, I am bracing myself for more to come as they encounter a new world of emotions, clicks (I think they call them squads now), and crushes. Their compassion is at that precarious point where it will become jaded with the reality of the world. People are not honest. Some of the closest people to you will be mean. School is becoming harder and seemingly unfair. Everyone starts to judge you more by how you look and what you wear rather than what you say or what you do. My husb...

So I meant to post something on Mother's Day. Something super cool and profound about being a mom in this crazy world while still trying to provide the best parenting I can to my daughters. So yeah. I did some laundry instead. We did mother's day breakfast with presents and then I spent the day in my regular routine. Nothing profound. Nothing actually cool.  I was on a business trip last week and these are always a glimpse into life without children, home, spouse obligations and I think some people embrace it and take advantage of the 'freedom' that it introduces.  However, I found that this proposed freedom wound up being an apparition if you will, for me. I was at a conference and so these ideally can be as intense or as relaxed as you want them to be. You make your own schedule. No one is checking how many sessions you go to. (well except those volunteers at the door with the badge readers). It seems like the perfect setting to travel to a land far far away and to ju...

Thursdays is Piano Day. Wednesdays is Dance Day and Mondays are Zazen Day. These labels don't mean much for everyone else but they are how I manage the schedule and get things organized around those days. On Piano Day there is a certain time I need to leave the office to get my daughter in time to drive to piano. On the days that my step-daughters are with us, that schedule shifts a bit and there is another schedule. All happening in perfect motion when I leave work. But this past Thursday my schedule was compromised. It turned into a downward spiral of a loss of time management that would make Franklin Covey ashamed. I had to share my story as I am sure so many others have felt the pain of losing control of the schedule that you so meticulously laid out. I should have seen the signs when I got a meeting request to be at another site. My company has several locations in the DC Metro area but I have only been to two. So my time estimation skills outside those two are really at...

So the other day, I sat down on my bedroom floor and cried. And not just the weary boo-hoo but this full out sob that is hard to control that you do in random places like the closet floor, laundry room, grocery store. Okay I haven't done the last one- but people have. I had that all out break-down kind of cry. So before you start thinking either "Oh my gosh, Angela what is happening, are you okay???" or "Oh my gosh, Angie- Suck It Up- Who has time to cry???" I can tell you that my sob-fest was triggered by two things. One: a post by an author that I just adore, Karen Maezen Miller: "I will never regret the things I didn't write, places I didn't go, goals I didn't set or dreams I didn't daydream. I regret the pain I cause every day by wishing I was someone else with something more living somewhere better." Two: a post by my husband about several people who were hearing impaired getting to test a revolutionary device that allowed ...

Trying to be a Zen mom is constantly a balance. It's a balance of my expectations of my kids and what they really wind up doing. It is a balance of my wants versus what my kids want. It is a balance of my work and my kids. It is a balance of being sane and being insane. It is a balance of being the crazy fun club girl my husband met so long ago, and the mother that goes to bed at 9pm that my husband knows today. Which brings me to that ultimate balance, being a mom and being a wife. I try to balance this world more than anyone knows and I realize I often fail. Your partner is often the one to suffer after Job, Children, Personal Interests. Not sure why that is the order by the way. Kids should be first but jobs pay bills and so that is the reality I think. I know lots of couples that have a date night, which I think is awesome. But there is a deeper balance that comes from just being friends with your spouse. My husband is a direct yang to my yin. He balances me not only ...

On one of my first visits to a dojo in Denton, Texas I watched my sensei fall (take ukemi). And I instantly thought "I want to fall like That". He fell like the leaves do here in Virginia. Kind of floating and circular and yet in complete control.  And quiet.  I mean like seriously - - ninja-quiet. For the record, sensei was/is not a small slight of a man. I think he is over 6ft and does that cross-fit crazy stuff so I'm sure he's not a feather.  I speculated that maybe it was the hakama. Adversely, I fall like a brick. I am almost a foot shorter, surely weigh much less and I sound like someone slapping a large wet towel against the mat. I am not ninja-quiet. Although I would still argue I am a ninja. I thought, and still believe, that someday I will fall like sensei and I have spent many sessions trying to learn to fall gracefully. Most recently my new sensei shared with me a technique that will ensure I can get up quickly after a fall. Again with ...

I recently got two tattoos. One of them reads Beginner's Mind in Japanese.  I picked the characters as a constant reminder when I practice Aikido to never let my ego get in the way.  The idea is to treat each training with a beginner's mind. I felt this was also a profound statement on my work and how I should try there as well to continually learn from others and never let my ego get in the way. The tattoo hurt enough that I was pretty sure I will never ever forget that it is there.  I then packed my bags and my kids and drove my profound self up to Canada. I was only in Canada for a few days. Well technically only one full day. I managed through a cold. I survived carrying a 30 lb/ 14 kilos blister footed 5 year old through half of an amusement park. (Luckily sister-in-law carried the other half) . And I was able to persevere through an 8.5 drive each way. It sounds very profound doesn't it? Well at least I thought so at the time. On my drive home though as I looked...