Falling Gracefully

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On one of my first visits to a dojo in Denton, Texas I watched my sensei fall (take ukemi). And I instantly thought "I want to fall like That". He fell like the leaves do here in Virginia. Kind of floating and circular and yet in complete control. 
And quiet. 
I mean like seriously - - ninja-quiet.
For the record, sensei was/is not a small slight of a man. I think he is over 6ft and does that cross-fit crazy stuff so I'm sure he's not a feather. 
I speculated that maybe it was the hakama.

Adversely, I fall like a brick. I am almost a foot shorter, surely weigh much less and I sound like someone slapping a large wet towel against the mat. I am not ninja-quiet. Although I would still argue I am a ninja.

I thought, and still believe, that someday I will fall like sensei and I have spent many sessions trying to learn to fall gracefully.

Most recently my new sensei shared with me a technique that will ensure I can get up quickly after a fall. Again with my ninja-like prowess, I was getting up with all the speed of the same sloppy wet towel I mentioned earlier.
To my credit though, I did get up and I felt like that was a win. 

In a slightly related story about falling or more Failing - at work, we had a technical issue and one of the developers suggested a solution that would not necessarily solve the problem but in his words 'allow it to fail gracefully'. I liked this- being able to provide for the solution but yet not interrupting service.

And finally,  in another only slightly related story,  my daughter had one of her nights of 'there's no way I am going to bed and I am going to cry and wail' which is always a winner in my book, where my parenting skills were really  put to the test. 
In a moment of frustration I had yelled and although this is perfectly within my personality who know me well, I never feel good about it. So as I lay there reflecting on my behavior,  I decided to go back in to see my daughter and apologize. I explained to her my frustrations in 6 year old terms and she simply responded with :
"It's okay mama. I was frustrated too. I love you."

It then dawned on me- that I need to learn to fail/fall gracefully because my daughter will accept it all that much better when I do. 
More importantly, I began to think this about all the things that I do- as a mom, as a step-mom, as a wife, as a co-worker, as a manager. Falling gracefully is what ensures that I will get right back up and try again.

I realize that this is not a direct Zen lesson- but surely there is some correlation that I am just not wise to yet. (note to consult zen-master husband) As it seems so Zen like.

Really - just being so self aware that you are letting go enough when you fall to just regain the control to get back up again. I know, I know - say what? But think about it- you can't control falling. It happens. In everything we do we have moments that we fall even for those of us who plan every second of our day in a Google calendar.
So when we fall, we fall, but we fall with skill - with grace. Like sensei. That ninja-like, graceful, hakama-flowing kind of falling that seems only sensei's can do.

I am pretty sure that sensei was falling like that long before he got the hakama. In fact, I am willing to bet that is Why he got the hakama. (well not technically of course- but hopefully you get it)

So I plan on practicing falling in the dojo and luckily I fall regularly enough in real life that I don't have to practice in that area. My new focus also in the dojo is Getting Up and I plan to do the same in life. 
I feel the more I practice falling gracefully and getting back up, then I should get better. Right?
My thinking is that by the time I master falling in the dojo I may have gotten better at it in my life. And if not, I will just start wearing the hakama around.


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