In the Moment
Thursdays is Piano Day.
Wednesdays is Dance Day and Mondays are Zazen Day.
These labels don't mean much for everyone else but they are how I manage the schedule and get things organized around those days.
On Piano Day there is a certain time I need to leave the office to get my daughter in time to drive to piano. On the days that my step-daughters are with us, that schedule shifts a bit and there is another schedule. All happening in perfect motion when I leave work.
But this past Thursday my schedule was compromised. It turned into a downward spiral of a loss of time management that would make Franklin Covey ashamed. I had to share my story as I am sure so many others have felt the pain of losing control of the schedule that you so meticulously laid out.
I should have seen the signs when I got a meeting request to be at another site. My company has several locations in the DC Metro area but I have only been to two. So my time estimation skills outside those two are really at the 100 level. I know the area though and with Google maps on my side, I had a plan. Leave the office by 4oclock, the Latest. Preferably 3:45pm and I should be able to make the 1 hour commute to the school and get to piano in time.
Mistake #1: Trusting Google Maps
Meeting went very well. Almost too well. The team I presented to had a lot of questions and really great questions that you like to sit and give your full attention to. I notice that 4oclock had passed and at 4:05pm I text my backup (husband) to see if he can get the daughter.
Husband confirms he can, will leave shortly and I feel the small ball of stress on my left side dissipate and I continue with my meeting.
Mistake #2: Thinking that husband has left to pick up child. He only confirmed he Could pick her up.
Leaving office at what is now 4:45pm and seeing text from husband indicates he has an incident at the office, he asks if he still needs to pick up daughter.
WHAT???
Text To Husband: Yes.
Now I am worried and stressed but leaving the office and Waze indicates that I will make it 56 minutes.
Phone call from husband indicates he will need to go back to the office so could I meet him at piano.
I confirm and hope that I will find the vortex hole in the galaxy that teleports me to another place in half the time. I am sure there is something along Highway 270.
Mistake #3: Trusting Waze and wishing for the teleport hole in the galaxy.
The sun is shining and with the first warm day since our heavy snowfall I try to enjoy the scenery and realize that Waze is not taking me up 270 but towards the ferry across the river. Yay- a ride on the river. Maybe the day isn't going to end so bad after all.
Mistake #4: Trusting Waze.
Journey continues and traffic thins out but perhaps a bit too much. Driving on the back roads of Darnestown, Maryland I start to wonder if I am going the right way. More importantly, if the ferry is even open. So you see after a big rain, or melting snow, the river swells and sometimes is too high or running too fast for the ferry to operate. On the Virginia side there is a sign. I have no idea what happens in Maryland.
So I keep driving and now I start praying that the ferry is open because this route is a good extra 20 minutes the wrong way if I have to turn around.
To add on to this I get a text at 5.10pm from my husband that traffic is really bad on his side. Should he still head to piano if they are late. I confirm, yes. If he's leaving now he will make it to piano by 5.35pm. Five minutes late but luckily the piano teacher is very kind and we have never been late.
Mistake #5: Assuming husband had picked up daughter at 5:10pm.
I am progressing but I keep feeling there is still the chance of the ferry being closed - when suddenly my gas light goes on. By being consumed with directions and heading the right way I had forgotten how dangerously close to empty I had gotten.
I will repeat in case you read through it fast- My Gas Light Goes On.
So small tangent- I am one of Those people about gas lights. Mine rarely ever goes on and I Freak Out when it does. I know I have a good 50 miles but I am pretty sure it's only like 5 so I am now completely losing it. How will I get gas in the middle of nowhere?? There isn't a gas station at the ferry. Will the ferry still let me go across without a car? Could I push my car to the ferry? (the last one is insane, I know, I mean how would I push it Up the hill after the ferry??)
Mistake #6: Thinking earlier in the day 'oh i will just get gas on my way home'.
So... I'm drivin'... with my gas light on... the sun is shinin'... and my gas light is on... and I'm about 1 mile from the ferry and my gas light is on.
Then I get a text from husband that traffic is super bad and he's practically parked near the Target.
I pause. Because that is on the way To School. Not on the way To Piano.
He calls and says again, that he is going to be late and I confirm that at 5.25pm he has not picked the child up yet. I am internally losing it- I Thought He was on his way?? Of course he can't go now! It Starts at 5:30pm!
I let him know that he doesn't need to go to piano and that he may even be able to go back to work. I am approaching the ferry and may make it to get her.
He confirms he will still get her but may need to work when we get home.
This is when the mistakes start to reverse, and for some reason the momentum of things started to change. I sat waiting for the ferry for the 6.5 minutes that it takes to lazily crawl across the water. It reminds of a leaf just drifting across a lake. At one point I think the ferry is broken because it doesn't look like it's moving, it is moving that slow.
That 6.5 minutes seemed to help me calm down and as we enter the ferry I feel like I am being forced by the universe to slow down- I have to wait.
So I hear my husband's voice in my head saying 'just open the windows and be here - now'.
He doesn't Actually say those things but he's very wise in my head.
So I do- at first I am sure this is just going to be the worst thing ever. They are having troubles getting the cars loaded, the car next to me is a guy smoking and talking on his phone, and I am in the middle row so between two cars and no water view.
It's funny though- In zen you sit facing a wall. I always thought that odd- why not sit facing something peaceful or natural like a window overlooking the garden or at a nice painting. But the blankness of the wall is often what forces you to cleanse your mind and let go of all the noise.
So I looked up at the blank but blue sky and just breathed.
Then after 7 minutes (I think we had a current), I crossed safely into Virginia. I received a text that my husband had picked up daughter and would be able to take care of the work incident from home so no need to worry.
I even had a weird feeling that the temperature got a little warmer as I drove under the shadows of the oaks that shielded the previously blinding setting sun.
My gas light had even turned off.
~ Now my car was sitting at an angle while waiting for the ferry that would have caused my car to be tricked into thinking it had more gas but I liked the symbolism and the timing so I embraced it.
I finally arrived home and felt this overwhelming need to apologize to my husband.
Because that biggest mistake I made that I never mentioned above was not logistical or tactical or misunderstanding but it was projecting my sense of urgency and irritation with my own time keeping onto my husband. Who only found out 45 minutes ago he had to take pick up on Piano Day and jumped in the car to make it happen. Yet his wife was acting like He had poorly planned.
I tried to just be in the moment of driving at that point, noticing with everything melting and the latest rain, how soggy everything was and how many birds were twittering about.
When I got home, I apologized to the husband and I sat with my daughter. I didn't take out work, I didn't answer any emails. I just sat.
For me, it seems events force me to be in the moment when I absolutely refuse to get there and I am grateful for that. I just hope that the husband can survive a few more before I get my head on straight.
Wednesdays is Dance Day and Mondays are Zazen Day.
These labels don't mean much for everyone else but they are how I manage the schedule and get things organized around those days.
On Piano Day there is a certain time I need to leave the office to get my daughter in time to drive to piano. On the days that my step-daughters are with us, that schedule shifts a bit and there is another schedule. All happening in perfect motion when I leave work.
But this past Thursday my schedule was compromised. It turned into a downward spiral of a loss of time management that would make Franklin Covey ashamed. I had to share my story as I am sure so many others have felt the pain of losing control of the schedule that you so meticulously laid out.
I should have seen the signs when I got a meeting request to be at another site. My company has several locations in the DC Metro area but I have only been to two. So my time estimation skills outside those two are really at the 100 level. I know the area though and with Google maps on my side, I had a plan. Leave the office by 4oclock, the Latest. Preferably 3:45pm and I should be able to make the 1 hour commute to the school and get to piano in time.
Mistake #1: Trusting Google Maps
Meeting went very well. Almost too well. The team I presented to had a lot of questions and really great questions that you like to sit and give your full attention to. I notice that 4oclock had passed and at 4:05pm I text my backup (husband) to see if he can get the daughter.
Husband confirms he can, will leave shortly and I feel the small ball of stress on my left side dissipate and I continue with my meeting.
Mistake #2: Thinking that husband has left to pick up child. He only confirmed he Could pick her up.
Leaving office at what is now 4:45pm and seeing text from husband indicates he has an incident at the office, he asks if he still needs to pick up daughter.
WHAT???
Text To Husband: Yes.
Now I am worried and stressed but leaving the office and Waze indicates that I will make it 56 minutes.
Phone call from husband indicates he will need to go back to the office so could I meet him at piano.
I confirm and hope that I will find the vortex hole in the galaxy that teleports me to another place in half the time. I am sure there is something along Highway 270.
Mistake #3: Trusting Waze and wishing for the teleport hole in the galaxy.
The sun is shining and with the first warm day since our heavy snowfall I try to enjoy the scenery and realize that Waze is not taking me up 270 but towards the ferry across the river. Yay- a ride on the river. Maybe the day isn't going to end so bad after all.
Mistake #4: Trusting Waze.
Journey continues and traffic thins out but perhaps a bit too much. Driving on the back roads of Darnestown, Maryland I start to wonder if I am going the right way. More importantly, if the ferry is even open. So you see after a big rain, or melting snow, the river swells and sometimes is too high or running too fast for the ferry to operate. On the Virginia side there is a sign. I have no idea what happens in Maryland.
So I keep driving and now I start praying that the ferry is open because this route is a good extra 20 minutes the wrong way if I have to turn around.
To add on to this I get a text at 5.10pm from my husband that traffic is really bad on his side. Should he still head to piano if they are late. I confirm, yes. If he's leaving now he will make it to piano by 5.35pm. Five minutes late but luckily the piano teacher is very kind and we have never been late.
Mistake #5: Assuming husband had picked up daughter at 5:10pm.
I am progressing but I keep feeling there is still the chance of the ferry being closed - when suddenly my gas light goes on. By being consumed with directions and heading the right way I had forgotten how dangerously close to empty I had gotten.
I will repeat in case you read through it fast- My Gas Light Goes On.
So small tangent- I am one of Those people about gas lights. Mine rarely ever goes on and I Freak Out when it does. I know I have a good 50 miles but I am pretty sure it's only like 5 so I am now completely losing it. How will I get gas in the middle of nowhere?? There isn't a gas station at the ferry. Will the ferry still let me go across without a car? Could I push my car to the ferry? (the last one is insane, I know, I mean how would I push it Up the hill after the ferry??)
Mistake #6: Thinking earlier in the day 'oh i will just get gas on my way home'.
So... I'm drivin'... with my gas light on... the sun is shinin'... and my gas light is on... and I'm about 1 mile from the ferry and my gas light is on.
Then I get a text from husband that traffic is super bad and he's practically parked near the Target.
I pause. Because that is on the way To School. Not on the way To Piano.
He calls and says again, that he is going to be late and I confirm that at 5.25pm he has not picked the child up yet. I am internally losing it- I Thought He was on his way?? Of course he can't go now! It Starts at 5:30pm!
I let him know that he doesn't need to go to piano and that he may even be able to go back to work. I am approaching the ferry and may make it to get her.
He confirms he will still get her but may need to work when we get home.
This is when the mistakes start to reverse, and for some reason the momentum of things started to change. I sat waiting for the ferry for the 6.5 minutes that it takes to lazily crawl across the water. It reminds of a leaf just drifting across a lake. At one point I think the ferry is broken because it doesn't look like it's moving, it is moving that slow.
That 6.5 minutes seemed to help me calm down and as we enter the ferry I feel like I am being forced by the universe to slow down- I have to wait.
So I hear my husband's voice in my head saying 'just open the windows and be here - now'.
He doesn't Actually say those things but he's very wise in my head.
So I do- at first I am sure this is just going to be the worst thing ever. They are having troubles getting the cars loaded, the car next to me is a guy smoking and talking on his phone, and I am in the middle row so between two cars and no water view.
It's funny though- In zen you sit facing a wall. I always thought that odd- why not sit facing something peaceful or natural like a window overlooking the garden or at a nice painting. But the blankness of the wall is often what forces you to cleanse your mind and let go of all the noise.
So I looked up at the blank but blue sky and just breathed.
Then after 7 minutes (I think we had a current), I crossed safely into Virginia. I received a text that my husband had picked up daughter and would be able to take care of the work incident from home so no need to worry.
I even had a weird feeling that the temperature got a little warmer as I drove under the shadows of the oaks that shielded the previously blinding setting sun.
My gas light had even turned off.
~ Now my car was sitting at an angle while waiting for the ferry that would have caused my car to be tricked into thinking it had more gas but I liked the symbolism and the timing so I embraced it.
I finally arrived home and felt this overwhelming need to apologize to my husband.
Because that biggest mistake I made that I never mentioned above was not logistical or tactical or misunderstanding but it was projecting my sense of urgency and irritation with my own time keeping onto my husband. Who only found out 45 minutes ago he had to take pick up on Piano Day and jumped in the car to make it happen. Yet his wife was acting like He had poorly planned.
I tried to just be in the moment of driving at that point, noticing with everything melting and the latest rain, how soggy everything was and how many birds were twittering about.
When I got home, I apologized to the husband and I sat with my daughter. I didn't take out work, I didn't answer any emails. I just sat.
For me, it seems events force me to be in the moment when I absolutely refuse to get there and I am grateful for that. I just hope that the husband can survive a few more before I get my head on straight.
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