Shoshin

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I recently got two tattoos. One of them reads Beginner's Mind in Japanese.  I picked the characters as a constant reminder when I practice Aikido to never let my ego get in the way.  The idea is to treat each training with a beginner's mind. I felt this was also a profound statement on my work and how I should try there as well to continually learn from others and never let my ego get in the way.
The tattoo hurt enough that I was pretty sure I will never ever forget that it is there. 
I then packed my bags and my kids and drove my profound self up to Canada.
I was only in Canada for a few days. Well technically only one full day. I managed through a cold. I survived carrying a 30 lb/ 14 kilos blister footed 5 year old through half of an amusement park. (Luckily sister-in-law carried the other half) . And I was able to persevere through an 8.5 drive each way. It sounds very profound doesn't it? Well at least I thought so at the time.
On my drive home though as I looked at my tattoo I began to recall a very different trip.  A trip where I think I blew up three or four times unnecessarily. A day where I kept thinking about the heat and my sore throat. A day where I worried about every ride my 5 year old went on and silently prayed when the twins went on a roller coaster that looked like it may have been there awhile, like around the same era as Stonehenge. A moment at a rest stop where I wanted to bite off the head of a dad who cut in front of a lady in a wheel chair and barged in front of my kids to get snacks. (A wheelchair! Who does that??)
I then thought 'well that's not very beginner's mind'. Everything in life would be slightly better if I  would just embrace beginner's mind. Taking a moment with my kid before blowing up.  Enjoying the sun shine of the last days of summer. Taking in the excited laughter my daughter had on every single ride. Being thankful that I am able to still carry my daughter around. (Just a side note,  I'm starting my own insanity program that's called Mamma's Insanity, where you have to carry a small child through large amusement parks for at least 5 hours; in the heat)
Being grateful that the twins were doing something together without judging or name calling.  Granted, they were screaming their heads off out of sheer fear.
Understanding that the dad was on a road trip too and was just trying to get to his destination and perhaps doesn't know the whole 'you shouldn't cut off old ladies in a wheelchair' rule of social graces.

The biggest part though was with my kid. I missed really enjoying Her.  I spent so much more time with her as a baby.  I indulged her more as a toddler.  I had more patience when she would make mistakes. Now, I Expect things.  Over the years I Assume she knows better.  I Feel I should not have to repeat things. What happened to beginner's mind?
However,  I am forgetting that each experience is still new for her.  Each time she exercises her independence, and tries my patience, is another moment for me and her to practice. That she still gets overwhelmed by impulse over logic. 
We made a new friend this past week who was so sweet to Naomi. He treated her with this unfiltered love and compassion. Shouldn't that be how I am with her?
So I decided that my tattoo is also for me as a parent. To try and maintain that mind set even on the longest road trips, even in the largest amusement parks. Bring it on Disneyland Paris.
Shoshin.

Comments

  1. FuscheAugust 18, 2014 at 10:31 PM

    Nice. Thank you for sharing and as a result bringing my mind onto that path as well. Kiitos, my friend.

    ReplyDelete

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