Just Wingin' It
So I am officially wingin' it as a parent. Gone are the days of my meticulously planning and understanding my child and her development. Gone are the days that I made cute sandwiches shaped like fishes.
I am just flyin' by the seat of my pants, hoping my kid lands feet first.
It is not how I planned it. Because I do seem to have a plan for everything despite the contradiction of living in the now. I Am a very progressive Zen Buddhist you know.
But when my daughter was a baby I lived in luxury. 100% working from home, some would laugh at my 5am start time but it allowed me to end the day at 3pm and spend it watching her, and reading up on what was next in my little one's development. I had the time to peruse articles on the best organic peas she should be eating and potential college funds I could invest in.
Today, I still wake up around 5am but it's to get showered and ready before my daughter gets up. Because it's unpredictable the mood she will be in when she wakes up and I need to make both of our lunches and get our bags ready for the day. We get ready for school and most days, my husband takes her into school.
I have the luxury of picking her up which is also hit or miss when it comes to her attitude and when we finally get home, I attempt to make a meal before rushing her to a bath and then into bed.
I collapse into bed shortly after not having read one stinking article or blog on how my wonderful 5 year old is learning to do basic calculus or how I as a parent should be having long conversations with her on the topic.
I may be exaggerating some of these areas.
But again, I feel like I am winging it. I have to live off of Google Calendar. Every event in her life is etched into this digital masterpiece to ensure we are all getting alerted at the proper time. As if that wasn't enough, I have a large whiteboard calendar in the kitchen to help Naomi know when we have events. It's insane. Clearly I need to just get her an iPhone and have her calendar synced.
Food is the thing I hold onto the most and I'm not sure why. I think it's an Asian thing. If my mom likes you, she cooks for you. That's how she shows she cares. She won't hug you or even say 'hey I really care about you' but she just cooks for you. I feel like if I can't at least be a good mom, I can give my kid a good meal. But even in that department, I am wingin' it. (My mother would be aghast) I have resorted to buying mostly pre-packaged things to put in her lunches. I still attempt the Fruit/Juice/starchy-thing ratio. But does applesauce count as a fruit?
For dinners there are nights where I just don't have the energy to even Think what we should eat, let alone cook it.
Not just food- but the basics, I have been trying for a month to make a dentist appointment. A Month. I haven't been able to find 30 min during the times of 9am and 4pm when the In Network dentist is open to make this bloody appointment. Don't even get me started on how long it took for me to find an In Network dentist. It's not because I have crappy insurance, I just Haven't had time.
(luckily Cigna has an app)
It's pathetic, and embarrassing but oddly I find just writing this strangely therapeutic. Like I'm confessing to the other moms out there "I am just a mediocre mom!" (Envision me in a dramatic pose on my knees with shaking fists to the heavens in despair to get the full picture here)
Not only am I winging it as a mom but as a person, taking care of Me is not going well either. I find it a struggle to find 1 day a week to make it to aikido or any exercise for that matter. I can't find time to practice the piano and I have this great book (well technically 2) that I keep trying to read but just haven't found the time. Oh yeah- and I do have a husband that I like to spend time with.
That is slotted from 8.30pm - 9.30pm. Reminder set.
I think many parents want their children to be these wonderfully gifted and talented beings but I think we have a tendency to believe we need to be this way too but I don't know if it's possible.
Did you know I actually feel terrible when I can't cook a full meal in the evening. (I think, what kind of mother can't feed her child a well balanced 4 course meal?)
I feel awful when I pick her up at 5.45pm and she doesn't want to leave school. (I wonder if she is at school so much clearly she has closer ties there than with me?)
I feel like this slacker mom when my kid refuses to have her hair brushed.
side note- she's at that stage you know. That stage where she doesn't care about being girly- there is always a logistical purpose to her outfit. Today she went to school with a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, gray and pink athletic leggings, a pink sock, and a blue sock. And her hair was brushed on one side. I think she still had toothpaste on the other side. She said today was her Crazy day. And she wanted to show her teachers her new jersey. And clearly her craziness.
I finally got around to taking Naomi on a playdate this weekend and that mom has 3 girls and works and had sunscreen for her kids, grilled cheese sandwiches for all three, bags of fruits and veggies and cute little milks. I brought subway.
Sub
way.
Eat fresh.
Sigh- I don't know if I am having a Mommy MidLife Crisis or what, but I am feeling like I am just wingin' it and how long can someone wing it before things start to go clearly wrong? I mean parenting you have to stay on top of it. Right? Is anyone else detecting that high-pitched voice of concern that I get when I am just stressed out over the max???
My personality is a direct conflict sometimes with - well - sanity to be honest- so I have to take a check point. I am not winging it really- but I am flowing. The life we have now is not cute fish shaped sandwiches and themed birthday parties but they are moments to show how I can manage a career and my kid. I need to still learn and evolve and maybe get a little more creative in how I manage it. Life isn't too far from one of those nightmare project plans that has scope creep- like every day... but you deal and work it in and reschedule everything to make sure you are still on target for your end date. Graduation I guess.
So maybe wingin it is not all bad, it's just a matter of perspective.
I certainly feel better.
I am just flyin' by the seat of my pants, hoping my kid lands feet first.
It is not how I planned it. Because I do seem to have a plan for everything despite the contradiction of living in the now. I Am a very progressive Zen Buddhist you know.
But when my daughter was a baby I lived in luxury. 100% working from home, some would laugh at my 5am start time but it allowed me to end the day at 3pm and spend it watching her, and reading up on what was next in my little one's development. I had the time to peruse articles on the best organic peas she should be eating and potential college funds I could invest in.
Today, I still wake up around 5am but it's to get showered and ready before my daughter gets up. Because it's unpredictable the mood she will be in when she wakes up and I need to make both of our lunches and get our bags ready for the day. We get ready for school and most days, my husband takes her into school.
I have the luxury of picking her up which is also hit or miss when it comes to her attitude and when we finally get home, I attempt to make a meal before rushing her to a bath and then into bed.
I collapse into bed shortly after not having read one stinking article or blog on how my wonderful 5 year old is learning to do basic calculus or how I as a parent should be having long conversations with her on the topic.
I may be exaggerating some of these areas.
But again, I feel like I am winging it. I have to live off of Google Calendar. Every event in her life is etched into this digital masterpiece to ensure we are all getting alerted at the proper time. As if that wasn't enough, I have a large whiteboard calendar in the kitchen to help Naomi know when we have events. It's insane. Clearly I need to just get her an iPhone and have her calendar synced.
Food is the thing I hold onto the most and I'm not sure why. I think it's an Asian thing. If my mom likes you, she cooks for you. That's how she shows she cares. She won't hug you or even say 'hey I really care about you' but she just cooks for you. I feel like if I can't at least be a good mom, I can give my kid a good meal. But even in that department, I am wingin' it. (My mother would be aghast) I have resorted to buying mostly pre-packaged things to put in her lunches. I still attempt the Fruit/Juice/starchy-thing ratio. But does applesauce count as a fruit?
For dinners there are nights where I just don't have the energy to even Think what we should eat, let alone cook it.
Not just food- but the basics, I have been trying for a month to make a dentist appointment. A Month. I haven't been able to find 30 min during the times of 9am and 4pm when the In Network dentist is open to make this bloody appointment. Don't even get me started on how long it took for me to find an In Network dentist. It's not because I have crappy insurance, I just Haven't had time.
(luckily Cigna has an app)
It's pathetic, and embarrassing but oddly I find just writing this strangely therapeutic. Like I'm confessing to the other moms out there "I am just a mediocre mom!" (Envision me in a dramatic pose on my knees with shaking fists to the heavens in despair to get the full picture here)
Not only am I winging it as a mom but as a person, taking care of Me is not going well either. I find it a struggle to find 1 day a week to make it to aikido or any exercise for that matter. I can't find time to practice the piano and I have this great book (well technically 2) that I keep trying to read but just haven't found the time. Oh yeah- and I do have a husband that I like to spend time with.
That is slotted from 8.30pm - 9.30pm. Reminder set.
I think many parents want their children to be these wonderfully gifted and talented beings but I think we have a tendency to believe we need to be this way too but I don't know if it's possible.
Did you know I actually feel terrible when I can't cook a full meal in the evening. (I think, what kind of mother can't feed her child a well balanced 4 course meal?)
I feel awful when I pick her up at 5.45pm and she doesn't want to leave school. (I wonder if she is at school so much clearly she has closer ties there than with me?)
I feel like this slacker mom when my kid refuses to have her hair brushed.
side note- she's at that stage you know. That stage where she doesn't care about being girly- there is always a logistical purpose to her outfit. Today she went to school with a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, gray and pink athletic leggings, a pink sock, and a blue sock. And her hair was brushed on one side. I think she still had toothpaste on the other side. She said today was her Crazy day. And she wanted to show her teachers her new jersey. And clearly her craziness.
I finally got around to taking Naomi on a playdate this weekend and that mom has 3 girls and works and had sunscreen for her kids, grilled cheese sandwiches for all three, bags of fruits and veggies and cute little milks. I brought subway.
Sub
way.
Eat fresh.
Sigh- I don't know if I am having a Mommy MidLife Crisis or what, but I am feeling like I am just wingin' it and how long can someone wing it before things start to go clearly wrong? I mean parenting you have to stay on top of it. Right? Is anyone else detecting that high-pitched voice of concern that I get when I am just stressed out over the max???
My personality is a direct conflict sometimes with - well - sanity to be honest- so I have to take a check point. I am not winging it really- but I am flowing. The life we have now is not cute fish shaped sandwiches and themed birthday parties but they are moments to show how I can manage a career and my kid. I need to still learn and evolve and maybe get a little more creative in how I manage it. Life isn't too far from one of those nightmare project plans that has scope creep- like every day... but you deal and work it in and reschedule everything to make sure you are still on target for your end date. Graduation I guess.
So maybe wingin it is not all bad, it's just a matter of perspective.
I certainly feel better.
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