zen motherhood

I recently got two tattoos. One of them reads Beginner's Mind in Japanese.  I picked the characters as a constant reminder when I practice Aikido to never let my ego get in the way.  The idea is to treat each training with a beginner's mind. I felt this was also a profound statement on my work and how I should try there as well to continually learn from others and never let my ego get in the way. The tattoo hurt enough that I was pretty sure I will never ever forget that it is there.  I then packed my bags and my kids and drove my profound self up to Canada. I was only in Canada for a few days. Well technically only one full day. I managed through a cold. I survived carrying a 30 lb/ 14 kilos blister footed 5 year old through half of an amusement park. (Luckily sister-in-law carried the other half) . And I was able to persevere through an 8.5 drive each way. It sounds very profound doesn't it? Well at least I thought so at the time. On my drive home though as I looked...

I feel like I am a strong woman. I feel pretty secure about my body.  I am not overweight,  I am not super ugly, I do not have any appearance issues. I believe I am fairly normal looking. However, I often feel fat, ugly, and self conscious about my body and when I Would feel this way, back in the day, I would find a way to cope either through jokes or avoidance or some nice baggy clothes. But after I had a little girl and have recently welcomed two more preteen girls in my home, I feel a societal obligation to be Uber secure in my skin. I need to exude confidence and exemplify that it is truly what is on the inside that counts. Most of the time I can do this. Aside from the few work pants that are a little snug I feel I have a pretty good girl power thing going on. However, today,  I tried on a bathing suit. For many I could just end the post here. Because if you are a mom who went through birth, you know that the change your body went through is quite unexplainable an...

So I am officially wingin' it as a parent. Gone are the days of my meticulously planning and understanding my child and her development. Gone are the days that I made cute sandwiches shaped like fishes. I am just flyin' by the seat of my pants, hoping my kid lands feet first. It is not how I planned it. Because I do seem to have a plan for everything despite the contradiction of living in the now. I Am a very progressive Zen Buddhist you know. But when my daughter was a baby I lived in luxury. 100% working from home, some would laugh at my 5am start time but it allowed me to end the day at 3pm and spend it watching her, and reading up on what was next in my little one's development. I had the time to peruse articles on the best organic peas she should be eating and potential college funds I could invest in. Today, I still wake up around 5am but it's to get showered and ready before my daughter gets up. Because it's unpredictable the mood she will be in when sh...

If you didnt catch it, the title should be said in that loud obnoxious announcer voice used for wrestling or something, replacing road trip with rumble. So nothing like starting a post with a tangent but I have been meaning to post this since New Years! We did what most families avoid and that was to drive for 8 hours with three kids to see my parents. I remember trips to see my grandparents when I was a kid and although the memories themselves were not all amazing they created bonds that I never knew I had until I lost my grandparents in 2008 within two months of each other. I also wanted to show my step daughters just how crazy my mom can get with decorations. Seriously, department store employees should have to do their holiday decorator training through my mom's house. But a road trip is quite an undertaking. With two eleven year olds and a five year old it can be a trip from hell. Or so I thought. So I plan. As any decent obsessive compulsive-project manager in a previous ...

Raising children is a complex thing. I find I am constantly readjusting my tactics. My most recent thing has been around providing my daughter the best environment to be herself. I started to have a theory that kids are a direct product of their parent rather than genuine little beings of their own. You probably hear it a lot "Little Betsy is just like me, hates lizards". But how much of this is Little Betsy and how much of this is a bi-product of the parent? Would our children choose different paths of their own if given the non-judged freedom to do so? One example: bugs. This isn't a life-changing example but hear me out. I hate them. I'm scared to death of the tiniest one and spiders especially freak me out. I literally let out a little scream if I am within touching distance. (which is around 7 ft or so) My daughter however, loves them. From an early age she has shown a genuine interest in the outdoors and bug life. When she was a toddler I freaked out over so...

I think mothering is pretty challenging. Every day I question something I have done and wonder 'was that the best?' This feeling of inadequacy is pretty normal from what I have read, as well as the constant need to overcome it, but I have found this summer that this feeling is compounded as a step-mom. Most of a woman's life is surrounded by images and messages surrounding the nuclear family of Man/Woman/Child. I have some issues with this but that's for another post and probably another blog all together, but to the point, I was conditioned around a certain idea of what a family is made of and the role I play in that. Step-mom was not in that movie/book. It is unique. You are not mom, but you need to behave like one. You get none of the love, none of the respect, nor none of the benefits of a mom but you do have all the burden of worry, concern, and care. I call it a 'burden' not in a negative way but just as it is, it must be done. I think everyone grows t...

Since September of 2012 my daughter has talked about soccer. After staying with some good friends who have two boys that play soccer, Naomi constantly asked when she too would be going to soccer practice. Her cousin plays college soccer, her sisters play soccer at school so why wouldn't she too play soccer?Slacker mom took her time in finding a local league but in February we signed up for a beginner's soccer league just for Naomi's age group. She was thrilled. I was thrilled. We were all thrilled. I had these firm ideas about team sports were so good for kids her age and the hand eye coordination would really help her in future sports. So with two months to go I tucked away the confirmation email and marked the starting day on my calendar. Any trip to our friends who have the boys who play soccer sparked up the conversation again and I would always be able to answer "well starting in April, you too will be playing" which inevitably got a 'yay!' response....