zen motherhood

Raising children is a complex thing. I find I am constantly readjusting my tactics. My most recent thing has been around providing my daughter the best environment to be herself. I started to have a theory that kids are a direct product of their parent rather than genuine little beings of their own. You probably hear it a lot "Little Betsy is just like me, hates lizards". But how much of this is Little Betsy and how much of this is a bi-product of the parent? Would our children choose different paths of their own if given the non-judged freedom to do so? One example: bugs. This isn't a life-changing example but hear me out. I hate them. I'm scared to death of the tiniest one and spiders especially freak me out. I literally let out a little scream if I am within touching distance. (which is around 7 ft or so) My daughter however, loves them. From an early age she has shown a genuine interest in the outdoors and bug life. When she was a toddler I freaked out over so...

I think mothering is pretty challenging. Every day I question something I have done and wonder 'was that the best?' This feeling of inadequacy is pretty normal from what I have read, as well as the constant need to overcome it, but I have found this summer that this feeling is compounded as a step-mom. Most of a woman's life is surrounded by images and messages surrounding the nuclear family of Man/Woman/Child. I have some issues with this but that's for another post and probably another blog all together, but to the point, I was conditioned around a certain idea of what a family is made of and the role I play in that. Step-mom was not in that movie/book. It is unique. You are not mom, but you need to behave like one. You get none of the love, none of the respect, nor none of the benefits of a mom but you do have all the burden of worry, concern, and care. I call it a 'burden' not in a negative way but just as it is, it must be done. I think everyone grows t...

Since September of 2012 my daughter has talked about soccer. After staying with some good friends who have two boys that play soccer, Naomi constantly asked when she too would be going to soccer practice. Her cousin plays college soccer, her sisters play soccer at school so why wouldn't she too play soccer?Slacker mom took her time in finding a local league but in February we signed up for a beginner's soccer league just for Naomi's age group. She was thrilled. I was thrilled. We were all thrilled. I had these firm ideas about team sports were so good for kids her age and the hand eye coordination would really help her in future sports. So with two months to go I tucked away the confirmation email and marked the starting day on my calendar. Any trip to our friends who have the boys who play soccer sparked up the conversation again and I would always be able to answer "well starting in April, you too will be playing" which inevitably got a 'yay!' response....

I'm not sure how it happens but I am now convinced that when you have a child you take on super powers. I read an article about it one time and thought it silly but now I am beginning to believe that I may have some unusual super powers that I never had pre-mom. I am also convinced that these super powers become stronger with each child you have. A gross tale of these powers in action: <warning>- kind of yucky story and not for the weak stomach. </warning>. My daughter recently came down with a 24-hour stomach virus. It was the vomiting/diarrhea kind. (btw being able to spell diarrhea along with other weird child ailments I think is another super power...) In the middle of the night she woke up crying saying she was choking. As I held her and tried to decipher if she was really choking or just had a dry throat she threw up on me. Now all my friends without kids just went 'ew'. My friends with kids thought 'oh no'. Both were right. This is super power n...

This weekend I took my daughter to a local park called Dinosaur Park. It has very little to do with dinosaurs per se but is every bit of park you can imagine. Nestled in the woods of Ashburn Farm, 4 large structures and dinosaur emblems stud the landscape inviting eager climbing beings of all ages to enjoy. As we entered the park, my daughter broke into a full sprint, running and laughing with excitement. I was envious of her pure elation with something so simple- just some plastic/metal bars in the woods. But she wasn't the only one- several children (and a few grown ups) ran around giggling and running while parents jogged behind ensuring no one collided and no one did a face plant. I realized also that I needed more of this. Maybe not coming to dinosaur park, but really taking time to run and laugh - out loud. We take life so seriously and as of late, I have been over-serious. Worrying about the job, worrying about my daughter, worrying about her school, worrying about my hus...

I believe that I am a tiger mother by nature. By tiger mother that means super strict thinking mom that is ultimately blind with the benefits of the child with little use of tact or niceties to educate them. I grew up with a tiger mom and am personally quite comfortable with this ideology however, I don't necessarily believe that it was the best. So being the introspective person I want to believe that I am, I have been forever pursuing new methods to supplement my 'tigerness" on dealing with the crazy 3 year old. Terrible 2's are interesting but crazy 3's I believe are what drive a lot of moms close to the brink of crazy-hood or back to medication they only considered right after birth. These precious beings can talk now- but it's crazy talk. You think you can understand them. However, you can't understand them. You think you know them. Yet, you don't know them at all. It's very zen if you think about it. That being said, I find my lack of pat...

I think every mom has a moment where she takes that deep breath, or lets out that deep sigh and thinks - well nothing. Sometimes there are moments where one is at a loss for words. I find these moments are sometimes the best to take a meditative moment. Mostly because if I don't there may be one less three year old on this wonderful planet of ours. But I digress and I haven't really gotten into the meat of it all. Recently we have decided to put our house up for sale. I won't bore you with all the reasons why, but because of this decision, I was cleaning up before the real estate agent was coming to visit. And in order for me to be able to concentrate on cleaning I let my daughter paint at the kitchen table. This is one of the few things, aside from Sponge Bob that will engross her attention for more than 3 nanoseconds. It is also typically a fairly neat activity and we are at the lovely stage of painting in the lines. But on this particular day, my daughter had a Pollock...