the sleep wars

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Since the day my daughter was born she has not been a good sleeper. When I say not a good sleeper though, I just mean the going down part. Once she gets to sleep, she doesn't wake up 47 times or anything, but the going down process is a battle and the conglomerate of these battles is an all out war in my book.
I'm losing by the way, if anyone is wondering. I have probably broken every rule in every book on what not to do. However, I would also argue that my daughter has too and she doesn't follow the text book cases of separation issues, or too much sleep, or no bed time ritual, blah blah blah. She just sometimes wants to stay up.
It's nights like tonight that I struggle to keep my even-temper. Well, honestly, by nature I don't have an even-temper so it's a struggle not to melt down.
She is sick as well, so I struggle with wanting to baby her but then trying to ensure I don't rock her too much, coddle her too much, or create some horrible irreversible habit that will scar her sleeping habits forever. I can hear my veteran mom friends giggling in the background. because they know this won't happen...
And this is where the zen fits in. I know that I need to be more in the moment and not focus so much on what is good and what is bad. What will be, will be. If I can flow more with the moment then these things not only work themselves out but I don't have near meltdowns at 10 o clock at night. And is it so bad that she gets rocked? Maybe. Could I be babying her too much? Maybe.
But more importantly, and focusing my energy to the right place- today she needs me. Today, she wants me to hold her. Today, she wants me to rock her. These moments will not last forever and I should cherish them as they happen.

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