zen motherhood

I know this is a term taken from wedding vows (well not the last part), but it's very applicable here. And not to START with a tangent- but why is it that for every other relationship/big endeavor in your life you are required to sign, take a vow over the Holy Bible, or other act of dedication. But to take a baby home... nothing. They should make you do the same thing, swear over the Bible or something "I solemnly swear to be the best parent I can be and not be a jerk to my kids". Anyways, I have spent the past week and a half- sick. My daughter has spent the past week and half- sick. And to expound on this further, we have spent this entire winter- sick. It has really been horrible and I am at my wits end as to why I always get sick but my husband does not. On top of all of this, I had to work. Well I always have to work, but I think the past two weeks of my working career have been the most stressful I have had in a long time. So - it has been a true test of my zen pra...

My husband likes these combi words. You take two ordinary words and create your own. I find them silly but often very useful in describing something quickly. This is obviously a combination of Poo and Disaster. I can see some of you smiling already, but to add to the story I must preface this with some background (see * for footnote/commentary): I was, and still am, an obsessively clean person. I am not sure if it's the Japanese in me, but I was one of those people that when you came to my place, everything was in perfect order, there were never dishes in the sink, and I smelled like roses. Well that last part I just made up but the point is I have some cleanliness issues. When we moved into our lovely home and I inherited two children and welcomed a wonderful husband, I also opened the door to a wealth of mess that my OCD brain was not readily prepared for and much like any control freak I tried everything in my power to control it, manage it etc. I can't tell you the experi...

Since the day my daughter was born she has not been a good sleeper. When I say not a good sleeper though, I just mean the going down part. Once she gets to sleep, she doesn't wake up 47 times or anything, but the going down process is a battle and the conglomerate of these battles is an all out war in my book. I'm losing by the way, if anyone is wondering. I have probably broken every rule in every book on what not to do. However, I would also argue that my daughter has too and she doesn't follow the text book cases of separation issues, or too much sleep, or no bed time ritual, blah blah blah. She just sometimes wants to stay up. It's nights like tonight that I struggle to keep my even-temper. Well, honestly, by nature I don't have an even-temper so it's a struggle not to melt down. She is sick as well, so I struggle with wanting to baby her but then trying to ensure I don't rock her too much, coddle her too much, or create some horrible irreversible hab...

I struggled to come up with a very profound first post. So suffice it to say, after struggling with my 2 1/2 year old, again, to go to bed, and picking up the house that looks like a small rodent has turned everything upside down, I am writing- profound or not. This is my mission statement if you will. I work in IT so I have a tendency to think in project mode. I decided to start a blog since I feel I finally have something useful to say. I became a mom 2 1/2 years ago, a step-mom 3 years ago, and am quite certain that my spiral towards insanity coincides with that time frame. If you are a mom, you will understand. It sounds dramatic to a non-mom and to veteran moms it's almost comical but I thought perhaps now I have something to share. If you are a mom of any tenure you will understand that we all at some point try to find SOMEthing to help with the insanity. Some do yoga, others do pilates. Some start a blog, or the better ones write a book. I have turned to zen buddhism. ...