Barbados Life: No More Good Bye's

Dropping off my youngest for daycare was always a battle. As a toddler I would need to perform the drop and run to 'trick' her. By the time she figured out I was gone,  a meltdown was past its prime delivery time so she would move on. 

In recent years it has gotten easier. She rode a bus for a bit which helped as there were other kids there and she was still at the age that she would hug me and say good bye.

Since my daughter has turned 12, the 'change' has set in. I don't mean the obvious one, but I mean the tween- teen-distancing-I-find-you-embarrassing change. We have set the ground rules though, the more you act embarrassed, the more we will be embarrassing. I think it's tied to Newton's third law, I'm not sure. We can't help ourselves as parents.

I also don't care about looking foolish in front of other 12 year olds. That's the beauty of being a parent and almost 50. Your pool of people I-Get-Embarrased-In-Front-Of gets a lot smaller. 

When we moved to Barbados we had struggled with the decision of putting our youngest into a school or just keeping her in the international online program that she was already in. I wanted her to be around other kids and teachers but the fear of COVID was still looming.

We wound up visiting one school that had everything we could hope for. On our first visit the principal made an effort to have some of my daughter's future classmates come and take us on a tour. At first I thought this was strange and not very formal but it was absolutely the best experience. My youngest was immediately talking to all 5 of them and they engaged with her about all kinds of topics. It felt like she fit in already.

So we switched. The school was operating in a revised COVID safe construct with open classrooms and desks far apart. Her class was small so it enabled them to stay socially distanced. When walking about they were required to wear masks. It felt safe.

We took our tour on a Wednesday and we made the decision for her to start the following Tuesday. Monday was a holiday. My daughter kind of freaked. We had been planning all along that she would wait until January, to finish her semester with the online school. But the new school's trimester had just ended and the recommendation was if she can start right away she will get the benefit of meeting the kids before winter break and starting at a good point of the second trimester. Best advice ever.

So the night before her first day of school, my daughter was worried. Of course, I was worried too- although I didn't tell her. She was worried she would have friends to sit with at lunch. I worried about far off things like 'Were those kids going to be nice when all the grownups were gone? Will she be the odd kid out not being from Barbados?' There were kids from families that were from all over, but the majority we had met so far had been born in Barbados. So we talked about her worries and were ready for the next day.

The morning of, we got up super early to ensure we had everything she needed. We had scrambled the weekend before to get all of her needed books and supplies and she now had a backpack, extra bag, and lunch box to take in. I offered to help her carry everything in, but she politely declined. She felt she could manage. 

Upon arrival, a member of our original greeter/tour group was waiting. My daughter got all her stuff together and noticed the girl, waived, and walked into school.

No hugs. No Good-Byes. She was so excited and focused on getting all of her stuff inside she just - went.

I will be honest- I was a tiny bit hurt. This time, I was the one staring at her through the car window getting all choked up. However, if you read my earlier post- I really haven't had a history of long good-byes with my kid. She has only known me to dash off so why bother now with the formalities, right?

So we drove off, and I cried. 

I was grateful though, because had she sobbed in the car and said "I can't go in there!!" my inner tiger mom would have come out and this story would have been about me yelling at my kid. And that's definitely not Zen I'm pretty sure. 

The biggest thing I am always learning with my kid, is that it is not always about me. I know sometimes I think I am doing things For my kid, but most of the time I am doing them for Me. I worry. I'm afraid. So I do things that I believe are for her betterment but they are actually all   about   Me and My comfort. 

I am wiser than her though, so I do exercise That reason if it's something I feel she will regret later or that will haunt her when she has adult therapy and talks about her tiger mom. 

But sometimes... I have to do stuff because it's about her. It's what she needs or what is the best in that very moment. For her.

I often reference letting go, and I don't know if parenting is really about letting go completely but more just letting go of your own baggage. 

Oddly enough, she does say good bye Now when she gets out of the car. So she isn't totally dismissing me. I am sure that is reserved for 8th grade.