Confessions of a Serial Cleaner
I am officially a serial cleaner. I can't stop.
It seems fueled by the lovely skill that I see everything that is not in its right place. Everything.
Exhibit A: There is a can of V8 juice sitting on the coffee table that has been there for over a day. I have been waiting to see if anyone will pick it up.
They have not.
Why I don't pick it up myself is beyond me. I feel this need to force myself to let things go. That the can is not hurting anyone. Surely it's empty so it's just a can.
~~But what if it's not. What if it's full and it's getting all moldy?! Ack.
Yes Cathy fans, I just ack'd.
I have even resorted to evaluating my need to clean. Because it seems to be a problem. Yes I am my own therapist. It's cheaper that way.
I sometimes wonder if I didn't notice everything would I still feel the need to clean. I also wonder why I have this maddening compulsion To clean. I mean a little dust never hurt anyone right??
It is partly genetic I noticed. I have seen the signs in my own mom so I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but I still wonder if I can alter my genetic disposition so that I can stop going crazy.
Because that is the real problem here. Noticing the things to be cleaned and feeling compelled to clean them is one thing- but I am beginning to feel frustrated that I am cleaning what feels like all the time.
I also can never clean Just One Thing. Which is where the 'serial' comes in. The other day, I went to vacuum the stairs, which turned into dusting the banister, to dusting the piano to swiffering the piano room to vacuuming the kitchen, to cleaning the kitchen counters (which lead to vacuuming the kitchen floor a second time) which lead to wiping down the stove.
My list said "Vacuum Stairs".
Check.
I blame the Notice Everything skill for most of this. I feel if I didn't notice it, I wouldn't feel compelled to clean it. But it's overwhelming. It's everywhere. The smudges on the windows (a distinct little person's handprint on the part of the window that I can't even reach- how did she Do that??), the random toys that are in the living room. I can name, for every room in the house, almost in perfect detail, what is out of place.
I wish I had become an iSpy Agent. I would be awesome.
Not a job, though. I checked.
On top of Seeing everything, I can Smell everything. It's super great when you walk into a room and get a waft of some 'smell' - instant compulsion to clean. Smells warrant a Deep clean too.
Again. Ack.
My husband has offered to get me a cleaning service to which you would think I would welcome with open arms. However, I can't even do this. As I don't trust any cleaning people. I am pretty sure there is not a cleaning person on this planet that I will feel is good enough. I will constantly be critiquing their cleaning. I would be compelled to clean before the cleaning person comes because I would feel bad that they would need to clean my filthy house when I have 5 perfectly able bodies in the house.
Let's face it, if we all spent just 1/4 less time on our devices and 1/4 more of our time picking up our own stuff, I think life would be better - well cleaner. And isn't cleaner better?
Again, though- no one notices. I will point out to someone in the house- hey is this yours? they will look at it like it has appeared out of thin air "oh gosh, yes, sorry, I will throw that away".
I used to get super stressed too that I have All this stuff to clean. However lately, I am trying a new approach. I call it the Zen approach.
I look back and I don't recall once my mother complaining that she had to clean so many dishes, had to do so much laundry, or clean the whole house by herself.
She just did it.
Now there may be some years of resentment there that I don't know about but that is for another post and is not really about me now is it?
I can mimic this approach however, in a Zen way; Zen practice has a tradition called samu that practitioners take part in to keep the monastery clean and bring in active mindfulness.
So instead of being frustrated with the mounting laundry and cleaning that needs to get done, I am attempting to practice mindfulness in those activities.
I still try to let go of the small v8 juice can that is mocking me in the living room. Instead, I focus my energy on other cleaning as my own samu practice. For each activity I look to actively pursue some state of mindfulness.
Deep breathing while folding laundry. Emptying my mind while vacuuming in a regular pattern. It takes more work than you think because usually when I am doing these activities, I will notice other things. Folding laundry I will notice I need to vacuum, or reorganize my hanging clothes or take out my donation bin. Vacuuming will lead me to notice other rooms that need vacuuming or counters that are dirty or the baseboards need dusting.
We have a lot of baseboards.
Not going forward though. I made it through half the laundry folding before I started 'wandering' as I call it. It happens when I try to meditate- my mind starts thinking of the 5 other things I need to get done.
Meditation bubble pops abruptly.
And much like sitting, my first attempt was kind of short but I felt progress.
The v8 can is still there. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where it doesn't slightly bother me but I'm going to take it one activity at a time.
One folded fitted sheet at a time.
One dusting at a time.
One breath at a time.
It seems fueled by the lovely skill that I see everything that is not in its right place. Everything.
Exhibit A: There is a can of V8 juice sitting on the coffee table that has been there for over a day. I have been waiting to see if anyone will pick it up.
They have not.
Why I don't pick it up myself is beyond me. I feel this need to force myself to let things go. That the can is not hurting anyone. Surely it's empty so it's just a can.
~~But what if it's not. What if it's full and it's getting all moldy?! Ack.
Yes Cathy fans, I just ack'd.
I have even resorted to evaluating my need to clean. Because it seems to be a problem. Yes I am my own therapist. It's cheaper that way.
I sometimes wonder if I didn't notice everything would I still feel the need to clean. I also wonder why I have this maddening compulsion To clean. I mean a little dust never hurt anyone right??
It is partly genetic I noticed. I have seen the signs in my own mom so I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but I still wonder if I can alter my genetic disposition so that I can stop going crazy.
Because that is the real problem here. Noticing the things to be cleaned and feeling compelled to clean them is one thing- but I am beginning to feel frustrated that I am cleaning what feels like all the time.
I also can never clean Just One Thing. Which is where the 'serial' comes in. The other day, I went to vacuum the stairs, which turned into dusting the banister, to dusting the piano to swiffering the piano room to vacuuming the kitchen, to cleaning the kitchen counters (which lead to vacuuming the kitchen floor a second time) which lead to wiping down the stove.
My list said "Vacuum Stairs".
Check.
I blame the Notice Everything skill for most of this. I feel if I didn't notice it, I wouldn't feel compelled to clean it. But it's overwhelming. It's everywhere. The smudges on the windows (a distinct little person's handprint on the part of the window that I can't even reach- how did she Do that??), the random toys that are in the living room. I can name, for every room in the house, almost in perfect detail, what is out of place.
I wish I had become an iSpy Agent. I would be awesome.
Not a job, though. I checked.
On top of Seeing everything, I can Smell everything. It's super great when you walk into a room and get a waft of some 'smell' - instant compulsion to clean. Smells warrant a Deep clean too.
Again. Ack.
My husband has offered to get me a cleaning service to which you would think I would welcome with open arms. However, I can't even do this. As I don't trust any cleaning people. I am pretty sure there is not a cleaning person on this planet that I will feel is good enough. I will constantly be critiquing their cleaning. I would be compelled to clean before the cleaning person comes because I would feel bad that they would need to clean my filthy house when I have 5 perfectly able bodies in the house.
Let's face it, if we all spent just 1/4 less time on our devices and 1/4 more of our time picking up our own stuff, I think life would be better - well cleaner. And isn't cleaner better?
Again, though- no one notices. I will point out to someone in the house- hey is this yours? they will look at it like it has appeared out of thin air "oh gosh, yes, sorry, I will throw that away".
I used to get super stressed too that I have All this stuff to clean. However lately, I am trying a new approach. I call it the Zen approach.
I look back and I don't recall once my mother complaining that she had to clean so many dishes, had to do so much laundry, or clean the whole house by herself.
She just did it.
Now there may be some years of resentment there that I don't know about but that is for another post and is not really about me now is it?
I can mimic this approach however, in a Zen way; Zen practice has a tradition called samu that practitioners take part in to keep the monastery clean and bring in active mindfulness.
So instead of being frustrated with the mounting laundry and cleaning that needs to get done, I am attempting to practice mindfulness in those activities.
I still try to let go of the small v8 juice can that is mocking me in the living room. Instead, I focus my energy on other cleaning as my own samu practice. For each activity I look to actively pursue some state of mindfulness.
Deep breathing while folding laundry. Emptying my mind while vacuuming in a regular pattern. It takes more work than you think because usually when I am doing these activities, I will notice other things. Folding laundry I will notice I need to vacuum, or reorganize my hanging clothes or take out my donation bin. Vacuuming will lead me to notice other rooms that need vacuuming or counters that are dirty or the baseboards need dusting.
We have a lot of baseboards.
Not going forward though. I made it through half the laundry folding before I started 'wandering' as I call it. It happens when I try to meditate- my mind starts thinking of the 5 other things I need to get done.
Meditation bubble pops abruptly.
And much like sitting, my first attempt was kind of short but I felt progress.
The v8 can is still there. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where it doesn't slightly bother me but I'm going to take it one activity at a time.
One folded fitted sheet at a time.
One dusting at a time.
One breath at a time.
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