I Love You Mommy, Not Daddy
The title sounds like painful words, and quite frankly if I was on the receiving end of it, I would be devastated. My husband has taken it into stride however that my daughter does appear to be more of a mama's girl than a daddy's girl.
This is a phenomena that I'm still trying to decipher since ever since she was in the womb, I was sure that she would be a daddy's girl. My husband has two girls already and they are definitely daddy's girls through and through. He is also the more nurturing of the two of us and definitely has the softer/kinder heart as well.
And the recent phrase has been "I want mommy. Not daddy". Or "I love mama. not daddy". Ouch huh?
More so I am confused by this lack of connection with the parent that is obviously nicer, more nurturing, and the holder of the chocolate in this family.
During a recent illness in November, we were inseparable, Naomi and I. With a horrible cough, fever, and congestion, she insisted on being next to me 24/7. I know other mothers in the same boat- having a child that 'only goes to them' 'only will be consoled by them' and 'only listens to them'. But this knowledge is of little solace as I continue to struggle with the idea that 'am I babying her too much?'.
The whole relationship also sets my mind into over analyzing my behavior towards her, his behavior towards her and what causes children to gravitate to one parent or the other. And I know some parents are out there going 'oh my gosh- you think about these things too much!'
But I have an argument for this. I think this is part of what is not always working with our society today. All too often, we take the easy way out and don't think about things enough. Whether it's how we parent our children, how we manage our relationships, how we treat the random stranger. Perhaps also this is the 'zen' talking :-). I know, it's supposed to be about empty mind, but I believe it's also about compassion, self reflection, and how to be a better parent.
Well maybe that last one is not in the precepts...
It pains me to hear the title phrase which has been her mantra lately and she has gone as far as "daddy stinks. mommy smells pretty". Granted I Do smell better than him, but stinks is a strong word.
I too was a mommy's girl, although I don't believe to this extreme, but it was more due to proxy. My father traveled quite a bit when I was a child so it was just my mom and me most of the time. But of my parents, my father too is the softer, kinder one. My mother is, well, stereotypical Japanese and they believe the tougher they are on their children, the better citizens they will turn out to be. And this is true- since I am not so much scared of the law as I am of my own mother beating the crap out of me.
So the bigger concern I have is that the inherited parenting skills I have are not as soft as maybe I had hoped to be- but perhaps it's the opposite, have I gone too soft?
I am knowledgeable enough though in my veteran 3 years of parenting... to know that a lot of this I can't do much about. She will do just fine, but just kind of hope that we can share the responsibility whenever she falls ill for 5 days straight. :-)
This is a phenomena that I'm still trying to decipher since ever since she was in the womb, I was sure that she would be a daddy's girl. My husband has two girls already and they are definitely daddy's girls through and through. He is also the more nurturing of the two of us and definitely has the softer/kinder heart as well.
And the recent phrase has been "I want mommy. Not daddy". Or "I love mama. not daddy". Ouch huh?
More so I am confused by this lack of connection with the parent that is obviously nicer, more nurturing, and the holder of the chocolate in this family.
During a recent illness in November, we were inseparable, Naomi and I. With a horrible cough, fever, and congestion, she insisted on being next to me 24/7. I know other mothers in the same boat- having a child that 'only goes to them' 'only will be consoled by them' and 'only listens to them'. But this knowledge is of little solace as I continue to struggle with the idea that 'am I babying her too much?'.
The whole relationship also sets my mind into over analyzing my behavior towards her, his behavior towards her and what causes children to gravitate to one parent or the other. And I know some parents are out there going 'oh my gosh- you think about these things too much!'
But I have an argument for this. I think this is part of what is not always working with our society today. All too often, we take the easy way out and don't think about things enough. Whether it's how we parent our children, how we manage our relationships, how we treat the random stranger. Perhaps also this is the 'zen' talking :-). I know, it's supposed to be about empty mind, but I believe it's also about compassion, self reflection, and how to be a better parent.
Well maybe that last one is not in the precepts...
It pains me to hear the title phrase which has been her mantra lately and she has gone as far as "daddy stinks. mommy smells pretty". Granted I Do smell better than him, but stinks is a strong word.
I too was a mommy's girl, although I don't believe to this extreme, but it was more due to proxy. My father traveled quite a bit when I was a child so it was just my mom and me most of the time. But of my parents, my father too is the softer, kinder one. My mother is, well, stereotypical Japanese and they believe the tougher they are on their children, the better citizens they will turn out to be. And this is true- since I am not so much scared of the law as I am of my own mother beating the crap out of me.
So the bigger concern I have is that the inherited parenting skills I have are not as soft as maybe I had hoped to be- but perhaps it's the opposite, have I gone too soft?
I am knowledgeable enough though in my veteran 3 years of parenting... to know that a lot of this I can't do much about. She will do just fine, but just kind of hope that we can share the responsibility whenever she falls ill for 5 days straight. :-)
Comments
Post a Comment