Can You Teach Compassion?
Compassion is an interesting topic in our house. We constantly discuss- as parents can we teach our children compassion? What if our kids do not naturally have this characteristic, how would you foster or develop it?
For my two year old, going on three, I think it is safe to say that she has this naturally. I have been told she is usually the one who comforts the crying child (ironic since She is the one crying half the time) or helping out the lost kid in class. Maybe she feels for them, almost a two year old empathy. She shows it elsewhere too though, if a bug is hurt she says "oh no!" and as she watches the animal in trouble on Wonder Pets she never fails to tell you the ailment with sure panic in her voice 'oh no, bunny is stuck!' I see these as signs of what I hope is compassion.
Most of the time she is just crazy Naomi having a fit because she can't have ding dongs for dinner. But there are moments like the ones above and last night she shows some new level of compassion.
In order to understand the next part, we need to rewind a bit to last week. I was away at Aikido and Shawn and the girls were 'manning' the house. The story that I was told when I got home was not pleasant to hear, but apparently Naomi was coming down the stairs (we have a straight stair case going up to the kids' bedrooms) with sister behind her. About half way down, she loses her footing, trips, falls forward and does a full somersault, tumbling down to the hardwood landing on all fours. (every mom right now has her eyebrows raised in the Oh My God formation) But apparently aside from being completely freaked out, she just wanted to continue playing with sister.
Okay fast forward to now. As you may have read in previous posts we have challenges in going to bed smoothly around here so I try to be strict with our bedtime routine, after a short rock, I lay her down and tell her good night. Tonight she tells me good night as well and as I'm getting ready to leave, the following dialogue takes place
(translation provided in italics)
Naomi: 'keful mommy' (careful mommy)
Naomi: 'stez faw down. bumpa head. ouchies' (I was on the stairs earlier and I fell down and bumped my head. It really hurt).
Mom: I will Naomi, thank you, good night.
Naomi: mommy?
Mom: Yes?
Naomi: tau dada keful. stez. ouchies (tell dad to be careful too on the stairs. It can really hurt)
Mom: Ok I will.
Naomi: tau dada hi. (tell dad I said hi)
I was really astounded by this, well not the last sentence not sure how that fit in other than just stalling my departure but the fact that she A) remembered falling but B) thought to warn me of the dangers of going down the stairs.
And her tone was that of when someone warns you about a bad intersection or when to avoid traffic "man Do Not take 114 to Fort Worth at 5 o clock, it is so dangerous!".
Naomi version: "do not take those stairs mommy, I don't know if you know but you can fall and bump your head on those things!"
On days like this practicing zen is pretty easy. I think thankful thoughts that my kid is somewhat compassionate on her own. I hope to build on this in the future and I pray that it never disappears completely. I hope that she is an example to others in her class. I am thinking that she learned to use the potty from her classmates, can't they learn a little compassion from her? It can work that way right?
For my two year old, going on three, I think it is safe to say that she has this naturally. I have been told she is usually the one who comforts the crying child (ironic since She is the one crying half the time) or helping out the lost kid in class. Maybe she feels for them, almost a two year old empathy. She shows it elsewhere too though, if a bug is hurt she says "oh no!" and as she watches the animal in trouble on Wonder Pets she never fails to tell you the ailment with sure panic in her voice 'oh no, bunny is stuck!' I see these as signs of what I hope is compassion.
Most of the time she is just crazy Naomi having a fit because she can't have ding dongs for dinner. But there are moments like the ones above and last night she shows some new level of compassion.
In order to understand the next part, we need to rewind a bit to last week. I was away at Aikido and Shawn and the girls were 'manning' the house. The story that I was told when I got home was not pleasant to hear, but apparently Naomi was coming down the stairs (we have a straight stair case going up to the kids' bedrooms) with sister behind her. About half way down, she loses her footing, trips, falls forward and does a full somersault, tumbling down to the hardwood landing on all fours. (every mom right now has her eyebrows raised in the Oh My God formation) But apparently aside from being completely freaked out, she just wanted to continue playing with sister.
Okay fast forward to now. As you may have read in previous posts we have challenges in going to bed smoothly around here so I try to be strict with our bedtime routine, after a short rock, I lay her down and tell her good night. Tonight she tells me good night as well and as I'm getting ready to leave, the following dialogue takes place
(translation provided in italics)
Naomi: 'keful mommy' (careful mommy)
Naomi: 'stez faw down. bumpa head. ouchies' (I was on the stairs earlier and I fell down and bumped my head. It really hurt).
Mom: I will Naomi, thank you, good night.
Naomi: mommy?
Mom: Yes?
Naomi: tau dada keful. stez. ouchies (tell dad to be careful too on the stairs. It can really hurt)
Mom: Ok I will.
Naomi: tau dada hi. (tell dad I said hi)
I was really astounded by this, well not the last sentence not sure how that fit in other than just stalling my departure but the fact that she A) remembered falling but B) thought to warn me of the dangers of going down the stairs.
And her tone was that of when someone warns you about a bad intersection or when to avoid traffic "man Do Not take 114 to Fort Worth at 5 o clock, it is so dangerous!".
Naomi version: "do not take those stairs mommy, I don't know if you know but you can fall and bump your head on those things!"
On days like this practicing zen is pretty easy. I think thankful thoughts that my kid is somewhat compassionate on her own. I hope to build on this in the future and I pray that it never disappears completely. I hope that she is an example to others in her class. I am thinking that she learned to use the potty from her classmates, can't they learn a little compassion from her? It can work that way right?
It's an interesting question. Psychology teaches us that most personality characteristics include both genetic (nature) and environmental (nurture) components. So some kids probably are naturally more compassionate than others, others can be taught compassion, and others may miss the memo entirely.
ReplyDeleteAs far as how to teach it, well, your children are always learning from watching your behavior. Particularly when they are very young, they take their cues from you. So the best way to teach compassion is to show compassion, and to explain it to them as you go. :)
This is a very valid point. I had been reading the Wonder of Girls and it has been eye opening in what develops in the brain, when. It also has alluded to the same philosophy that is the age old saying- lead by example. :-)
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