The Drop
It has been over a year and a half since my daughter started school and still the drop-off is a challenge from time to time. I have analyzed this scenario a thousand times to evaluate what works best for her, for me, the teacher, and the earth since I am all about world peace.
Ok, no really though, the idea is that the first week or so, your child has separation anxiety. Completely normal. However, my child has what I call Random Separation Disorder. This is where on any given day she will Not want to go to class.
I would also like to point out that it's not a fight from square one- meaning like my older step-daughters, it's right when they get out of bed: "I don't waantt to go to school" (the extra a's and t's are there on purpose- this is to emote whining). No, Naomi gets up although slowly, usually ready for the day after a glass of juice and a bit of a morning movie. But once we get to the classroom door, she freezes.
It may be that she is just ... well... slow.. and only at the sight of her teacher does she realize 'hey I'm going to school wtcc!*' Even though we just had an 8 minute discussion (length of the car ride from house to school) on how we are going to school, who are we going to see, what are we going to do, etc. etc.
So I have been trying to understand the different drop techniques to help aide my child in making that transition to classroom. I have broken them down into 3 types and I have equated them to the old spy mission of making the 'drop'. If you don't watch spy movies, first of all- you should, second- it's when they drop that briefcase or film or other said object with another spy/person.
Method 1: Drop and Meet
I have seen this in a few movies where the two spies meet over drinks in some bar or have a meal in some restaurant. The dropped item is never discussed or even touched but is covertly switched between them at the end of the meeting.
This is equal to taking your kid in, sitting with them while they settle in. Talking with the teacher and covertly passing your child to the teacher without really saying much to your kid about leaving. Then you casually slip out while the teacher takes them away.
Results: This works for the new kids, but is not highly recommended by teachers apparently. Especially kids who have serious separation issues, I guess this makes it worse. I have no idea how but this is the hardest for me- I can't hang out or I will just not leave.
And apparently they frown upon that.
Method 2: Drop and Pass
This is the middle of the road of the three and it is similar to the spy movies where the two are passing each other in a crowded market, city, mall and exchange said object while passing.
This equates to taking your kid and passing them quickly to teacher as you get their personal belongings settled (jackets/lunches/etc.)
Results: It's probably the most widely used and equally effective for most kids but some parents are between the Drop&Pass and the Drop&Meet and wind up staying longer than just a pass.
Apparently I am guilty of this according to my husband.
(I sometimes want to make sure her jacket is in a good spot you know)
I like this method, but again, it doesn't help with her independence according to experts (who they are, I don't know) so I move on to method #3.
Method 3: Drop and Dash
And I don't mean a dash of salt- this equates to when they used to just drop the suitcase in a designated spot and dash off as fast as possible. This was usually done with explosive materials.
This equates to dropping your kid at the door and just jetting out of there. Let's face it, some of our children can be considered hazardous or explosive matter at times.
Usually older kids can do this no problem and my husband jokes that once the girls learn to tuck and roll we can just pass by the school at a slow speed. Well I'm assuming it's a joke.
Result: I'm not sure as I have never seen how she reacts after but the teachers tell me that it works out so much better. I believe that this is my usual method as I feel like I can't bear to see her cry. But I'm practically knocking down other parents in my exit for fear of hearing her wail through the halls.
Despite my attempt at these three different methods, she still has times where she cries. And every time, it pains me. Some say you get used to it, but I'm pretty sure those people were men since I haven't met a mom yet who is okay leaving her crying kid with someone else.
I think that my zen practice is ever failing here- my daughter seemingly in pain- makes it so hard to 'go with the flow' or see this as a point to move forward. However, one time, on another topic, my husband said that it's okay to feel the pain and perhaps that I need to embrace it. Perhaps this is applicable here.
For in this situation, this emotion that she has- that makes her cry so heavily when I drop her off ...
is this same passionate side of her that makes her give the best hugs when I pick her up.
That's some good zen mothering stuff.
* wtcc stands for 'what the chuckee cheese'. Instead of using wtf (which we all know but hope my 2 year old is not saying) or wth. Since chuckee cheese is Hell I thought it an appropriate substitute.
Ok, no really though, the idea is that the first week or so, your child has separation anxiety. Completely normal. However, my child has what I call Random Separation Disorder. This is where on any given day she will Not want to go to class.
I would also like to point out that it's not a fight from square one- meaning like my older step-daughters, it's right when they get out of bed: "I don't waantt to go to school" (the extra a's and t's are there on purpose- this is to emote whining). No, Naomi gets up although slowly, usually ready for the day after a glass of juice and a bit of a morning movie. But once we get to the classroom door, she freezes.
It may be that she is just ... well... slow.. and only at the sight of her teacher does she realize 'hey I'm going to school wtcc!*' Even though we just had an 8 minute discussion (length of the car ride from house to school) on how we are going to school, who are we going to see, what are we going to do, etc. etc.
So I have been trying to understand the different drop techniques to help aide my child in making that transition to classroom. I have broken them down into 3 types and I have equated them to the old spy mission of making the 'drop'. If you don't watch spy movies, first of all- you should, second- it's when they drop that briefcase or film or other said object with another spy/person.
Method 1: Drop and Meet
I have seen this in a few movies where the two spies meet over drinks in some bar or have a meal in some restaurant. The dropped item is never discussed or even touched but is covertly switched between them at the end of the meeting.
This is equal to taking your kid in, sitting with them while they settle in. Talking with the teacher and covertly passing your child to the teacher without really saying much to your kid about leaving. Then you casually slip out while the teacher takes them away.
Results: This works for the new kids, but is not highly recommended by teachers apparently. Especially kids who have serious separation issues, I guess this makes it worse. I have no idea how but this is the hardest for me- I can't hang out or I will just not leave.
And apparently they frown upon that.
Method 2: Drop and Pass
This is the middle of the road of the three and it is similar to the spy movies where the two are passing each other in a crowded market, city, mall and exchange said object while passing.
This equates to taking your kid and passing them quickly to teacher as you get their personal belongings settled (jackets/lunches/etc.)
Results: It's probably the most widely used and equally effective for most kids but some parents are between the Drop&Pass and the Drop&Meet and wind up staying longer than just a pass.
Apparently I am guilty of this according to my husband.
(I sometimes want to make sure her jacket is in a good spot you know)
I like this method, but again, it doesn't help with her independence according to experts (who they are, I don't know) so I move on to method #3.
Method 3: Drop and Dash
And I don't mean a dash of salt- this equates to when they used to just drop the suitcase in a designated spot and dash off as fast as possible. This was usually done with explosive materials.
This equates to dropping your kid at the door and just jetting out of there. Let's face it, some of our children can be considered hazardous or explosive matter at times.
Usually older kids can do this no problem and my husband jokes that once the girls learn to tuck and roll we can just pass by the school at a slow speed. Well I'm assuming it's a joke.
Result: I'm not sure as I have never seen how she reacts after but the teachers tell me that it works out so much better. I believe that this is my usual method as I feel like I can't bear to see her cry. But I'm practically knocking down other parents in my exit for fear of hearing her wail through the halls.
Despite my attempt at these three different methods, she still has times where she cries. And every time, it pains me. Some say you get used to it, but I'm pretty sure those people were men since I haven't met a mom yet who is okay leaving her crying kid with someone else.
I think that my zen practice is ever failing here- my daughter seemingly in pain- makes it so hard to 'go with the flow' or see this as a point to move forward. However, one time, on another topic, my husband said that it's okay to feel the pain and perhaps that I need to embrace it. Perhaps this is applicable here.
For in this situation, this emotion that she has- that makes her cry so heavily when I drop her off ...
is this same passionate side of her that makes her give the best hugs when I pick her up.
That's some good zen mothering stuff.
* wtcc stands for 'what the chuckee cheese'. Instead of using wtf (which we all know but hope my 2 year old is not saying) or wth. Since chuckee cheese is Hell I thought it an appropriate substitute.
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